It’s like having to play a game of Monopoly every day of your life, but the standard for everyone else when they roll the dice is that they get to move forward, but when I roll the dice, I have to move backward.
I have depression. I am autistic. I am broken. Mentally and physically.
I foresee nothing positive occurring in my life at present. I am unable to see a clear way forward. I am not having an Oprah moment anytime soon. I am currently going through the daily motions of waking up, existing, eating, drinking, breathing. I sleep. I watch TV. I am a prisoner within my own existence.
The root cause of this or trigger stems from my engagement with my employment agency and employers. I am currently unable to gain stable employment, despite the numerous excited attempts of *Gina* who excitedly responds that once my resume has received the correct template, format, font size, and been jazzed and polished it can then be presented to the world to be held up and judged or thrown in the bin, or receive the generic not interested email. My advice to *Gina is to get less excited about a word template and get more excited about locating a workable environment for me to work in and contribute to society. What they fail to realise is that not only does it impact on my mental health but also my confidence and motivation.
What they fail to realise is that not only does it impact on my mental health but also my confidence and motivation.
I wish to state that whilst I am not dependent on my job agency I am applying for positions myself without success. I spoke with a friend who works in NSW and is an DES job consultant and she said the following:
Unfortunately, you will find more and more that agencies follow the model of not there to get you a job but to assist you into a job which means if you don’t get yourself a job then they won’t.
So whilst I work through eliminating my root causes I am going to offer up some solutions to combating and working towards a healthier happier outlook:
- Take a nap
- Listen to music
- Watch television
- Work on a personal project
- Walk or exercise
- For mental stimulation I highly recommend adult colouring books or solitaire
- Schedule activities and make short-term plans
I would also suggest going to see your doctor if you feel that you are unable to cope, as they may be able to prescribe you some medication and your doctor can provide you with a mental health care plan whereby you are able to get 10 free counselling sessions (you get 5 first then you receive the other five after).
For the time being I am being positive.
I have my aqua fit which I do daily, I have my solitaire, I have my family, I have my friends.
So my message is this.
If you keep your depression to yourself then no one can help you. Opening up is hard, I know It took my twenty minutes on Friday to reveal all to my sister, but once I had that burden lifted and I felt a sense of ease and relief. And I am ready to face this battle head on and win.
About Nick McAllister:
Nick McAllister lives in Burns Beach, is a screenwriter, blogger, ABC open contributor and also attends the Saturday writing group at the Peter Cowan Writer’s centre. He also facilitates some of the digital media workshops run by Autism West. If you would like to work with Nick, you can email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.